you gotta know more than me, dude but yeah i have been in a whole one relationship before this one and made out with some princesses but that's something else and i really don't want to screw it up
So I learned. But it was great stress relief in my youth when it came to dealing with all the trials my master put me through.
[With all that Sidious did to him, it was far too easy to go out, find someone, and just sleep with them in a one night stand to help release some of the pent-up tension and energy that was always thrumming through him.]
What not to do is a very, very long list, so let's just start with what to do with humans first off. I know this might be an embarrassing question to ask, but are you two even compatible, relatively speaking?
[It wouldn't make sense to date someone when you didn't even have even remotely similar sexual organs. Or, since Fern was a bit young and inexperienced, the ability to even kiss one another.]
dang dude i know you went through a lot but you needed a healthier way to relieve stress
[Good job Fern, being blunt as heck. Not helping matters is that he doesn't know what Maul is talking about compatibility.]
what? uhhhh [He'll just... do his best here.] we uh we tried kissing we're still trying to work out how to do that without him choking on grass is that what you mean?
your master was a wad but that goes without saying
[Ohhhh Glob he's turning bright green and wants to die a little.]
OH oh uh i know about tiers, my brother told me some of them but he's also a dog dating a rainicorn and i never grew up around humans and i don't know if we're ever going go really uh far
we like kissing??? when it's not a huge disaster pretty sure we'd be happy just being able to kiss like normal people
Of course. But we are here to talk about you not me.
[Almost as if he can see Fern's expression, Maul starts laughing again. Oh dear. A young virgin. He's going to have his hands full instructing this one.]
Your brother is a wise dog. So at least I don't have to explain the facts of life to you. Though I will make a note to always use protection if you do end up going as far as needing some. I have no idea what the mating of a plant-based person and a human will produce and no desire to.
Now we can get down to business. All humans are both different and alike at the same time. Alike in that they all want affection, love, and someone who will be kind with them. The difference comes in how each human expects you to show those traits to them.
Since you've already discovered you like kissing, we'll focus on that. Part of kissing isn't just the actual act itself, it's the anticipation. Have you heard the law of percentages?
[For a good few seconds after Fern reads that text his head is nothing but one slowly mounting scream. Right, yep, Maul just went there. Maul just went all the way there.]
i'm just going to pretend i didn't read that pretty sure i'm going to die otherwise
[Just keel over from embarrassment.]
ok that makes sense still figuring that out with Varian
[He isn't the most affectionate person ever, and sometimes he's... clueless, is putting it nicely.]
nnnno nope sounds like something that'd come out of that book i tried reading once that Jake told me was full of bad advice or some math theory which i think is just as bad
I will remind you that YOU came to ME for advice. Did you think I was going to skip over things to spare your delicate little mind?
[Poor little PG plant boy in an R-rated town.]
Alright, so remember it’s not just all about physical affection. Some people enjoy when you do things for them. Remember to do little things for him. Cover him with a blanket when he exhausts himself from working on a project and falls asleep. Bring him his favorite foods. Grow his favorite flowers on yourself and give them to him. Things like that.
As for the laws of percentage, when it comes to kissing, it states you go ninety percent of the way and wait for the other person to come ten. This builds anticipation and allows pleasure to grow. Do you understand?
Well, it is far, far too late to scrub everything out of your little mind, so just be glad I haven't told you everything that Reaper and I have done in DETAIL
[Alright, so he wouldn't really, but it was amusing making fun of the kiddo.]
Relationships are complicated. Why should kissing be any easier to understand? So when you kiss, lean in almost all the way, and let Varian come the last bit. That shall make it feel better for both of you even if he ends up choking on a piece of grass throughout the whole thing.
Also try cuddling and snuggling together. I'm sure that Varian would like to curl up to you. Who doesn't like lying on a bed of grass during warm months?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
survivalthroughhate
(no subject)
but yeah
i have been in a whole one relationship before this one
and made out with some princesses but that's something else
and i really don't want to screw it up
(no subject)
[That's probably a bit TMI for Fern but Maul does so love to troll him.]
But I will advise you as best I can.
(no subject)
also really weird and not great
doing that kind of stuff with no feelings behind it only makes you feel worse
[He has been down that road in the most PG way possible.]
ok so what do i NOT do
also do you know anything about humans
i've never dated a human before i don't know the rules
(no subject)
[With all that Sidious did to him, it was far too easy to go out, find someone, and just sleep with them in a one night stand to help release some of the pent-up tension and energy that was always thrumming through him.]
What not to do is a very, very long list, so let's just start with what to do with humans first off. I know this might be an embarrassing question to ask, but are you two even compatible, relatively speaking?
[It wouldn't make sense to date someone when you didn't even have even remotely similar sexual organs. Or, since Fern was a bit young and inexperienced, the ability to even kiss one another.]
(no subject)
[Good job Fern, being blunt as heck. Not helping matters is that he doesn't know what Maul is talking about compatibility.]
what? uhhhh [He'll just... do his best here.] we uh
we tried kissing
we're still trying to work out how to do that without him choking on grass
is that what you mean?
[Forgive him Maul, he is a PG baby.]
(no subject)
[He'll forgive Fern being blunt just this once given he was the one to bring this up in the first place.
He does end up laughing quite a bit after reading the second part. Oh, you sweet innocent summer child.]
Yes, something like that. Kissing is a good place to start, especially with humans. Are you aware of the....different levels of sexual activity?
[Force, he's gonna have to spell this out for this little one, isn't he?]
(no subject)
[Ohhhh Glob he's turning bright green and wants to die a little.]
OH
oh uh
i know about tiers, my brother told me some of them
but he's also a dog dating a rainicorn
and i never grew up around humans
and i don't know if we're ever going go really uh
far
we like kissing??? when it's not a huge disaster
pretty sure we'd be happy just being able to kiss like normal people
(no subject)
[Almost as if he can see Fern's expression, Maul starts laughing again. Oh dear. A young virgin. He's going to have his hands full instructing this one.]
Your brother is a wise dog. So at least I don't have to explain the facts of life to you. Though I will make a note to always use protection if you do end up going as far as needing some. I have no idea what the mating of a plant-based person and a human will produce and no desire to.
Now we can get down to business. All humans are both different and alike at the same time. Alike in that they all want affection, love, and someone who will be kind with them. The difference comes in how each human expects you to show those traits to them.
Since you've already discovered you like kissing, we'll focus on that. Part of kissing isn't just the actual act itself, it's the anticipation. Have you heard the law of percentages?
(no subject)
i'm just
going to pretend i didn't read that
pretty sure i'm going to die otherwise
[Just keel over from embarrassment.]
ok that makes sense
still figuring that out with Varian
[He isn't the most affectionate person ever, and sometimes he's... clueless, is putting it nicely.]
nnnno
nope
sounds like something that'd come out of that book i tried reading once that Jake told me was full of bad advice
or some math theory which i think is just as bad
(no subject)
[Poor little PG plant boy in an R-rated town.]
Alright, so remember it’s not just all about physical affection. Some people enjoy when you do things for them. Remember to do little things for him. Cover him with a blanket when he exhausts himself from working on a project and falls asleep. Bring him his favorite foods. Grow his favorite flowers on yourself and give them to him. Things like that.
As for the laws of percentage, when it comes to kissing, it states you go ninety percent of the way and wait for the other person to come ten. This builds anticipation and allows pleasure to grow. Do you understand?
(no subject)
[He has so many regrets right now.]
ok, do nice stuff for him
i can do that, i know him well enough that i know the kind of junk he likes
um i think so
sounds kind of complicated for just kissing though
(no subject)
[Alright, so he wouldn't really, but it was amusing making fun of the kiddo.]
Relationships are complicated. Why should kissing be any easier to understand? So when you kiss, lean in almost all the way, and let Varian come the last bit. That shall make it feel better for both of you even if he ends up choking on a piece of grass throughout the whole thing.
Also try cuddling and snuggling together. I'm sure that Varian would like to curl up to you. Who doesn't like lying on a bed of grass during warm months?
(no subject)
[Oh... the rest of that is legitimately good advice and things he's never thought about before, though.]
huh ok
that doesn't sound too bad
i can give it a try
oh
yeah i guess people would like doing that? i've never really thought about myself like
uh
like that
[Having good opinions about your body is highly, highly overrated.]