Deerington Inbox

[survivalthroughhate]

"This is Maul. State your business."

Voice | Video | Text | Action

Comments

[survivalthroughhate]

[Look at that. The puppy has teeth. He's almost impressed with it, even though Eddie might have greatly shortened his lifespan.]

Threatening me is both very brave and very foolish, young one.

[Well, he knew it would come to this eventually. He decides to explain his reasons, poor as they are to anyone else's ears.]

What I did was teach him a very valuable lesson. He disrespected me. I may not have much else but my pride won't allow some young whelp to sit there and get away with a lack of respect.

[clussy]

I'm not being brave or foolish. You hurt my best friend. It's a no-brainer that I'd yell at you for it.

(Not that Eddie was actually yelling. He was actually surprisingly calm despite the situation. Mostly he seemed irritated, short with patience about this and it shows in the way his nose crinkles up in distaste.)

Buddy, you didn't teach him shit. We come from a town where we already expect people to break out bones and smash the shit out of us over nothing. Richie and I both know it's pointless to try and shut up because we'll get it no matter what we do.

(Which means both of them had learned to drop some survival instincts altogether and get very mouthy. Eddie was sheepish and thought he was cowardly most days, but in truth he was every bit as mouthy and reckless as Richie.)

And trust me. I gave it to him about this too. You're both in trouble as far as I'm concerned. He was an idiot who ran his mouth with the wrong person when he should have known better. (And his frustration in his voice is genuine there. He was mad at Richie too. He's been mad with Richie for months now.) That asshole vanished and then when I wake up his stupid arm is broke and I couldn't even be around to help? The fucking-

(He snorts, and he has to actually stop himself. For a second there he wasn't even talking to Maul - just ranting in general. He remembers himself though and takes a deep breath.)

Listen, I'm sure he did disrespect you and I''m sure he didn't lay off. But that still doesn't mean you can hurt him. You can't just...break whoever the hell gives you problems. Pain doesn't get through to people like me or Richie. We don't operate like that. You'll never teach either of us anything by proving yourself to be like every other miserable adult we've ever met in our lives.

[survivalthroughhate]

Part of growing up is learning when to shut your mouth or suffering the consequences. Generally, they are unpleasant. You want to be treated like an adult? That's the price you pay. I will not apologize for what I did and I will not pretend it will not happen again if he's around me.

[One thing that can be said about Maul: he only uses lies when it benefits him. Generally, the truth hurts more and has a far better bite to it.]

If I had grown up with compassion and sympathy, I would approach people with that. But I did not, so I do what I am used to.

["Pain is a far better teacher than I." The words still ring in Maul's ears, the same thing his master would tell him every time he was beaten, electrocuted, strangled, or had his head shoved underwater to be slowly drowned. Of course he would have turned out exactly like Sidious in this regard, much to his everlasting horror. Not that he'll admit that much to the kid.]

I suppose you must love him a great deal to feel the need to protect him like this. But let him fight his own battles.

[clussy]

(Eddie swings his eyes in a huge roll, groaning loudly halfway through Maul's speech of how to grow up. Adults were exhausting to deal with sometimes.)

I swear the universe just melts your brain when you reach a certain age and scrambles it. Do you seriously not hear yourself? Being treated like an adult has nothing to do with getting your arm broken just because someone overreacted to words you were saying. That's not even an adult lesson. Grade schoolers know you can't just hit someone because you didn't like what they said to you. You're just being a giant baby. Call it pride or whatever you want, but being violent just because someone said no-no words about you is stupid.

(And another giant groan. Maul was rolling with the tropes today, Eddie thought, and he wondered why he had to wake up from his coma at all.)

Wow, yeah, amazing dude. You were abused so now you abuse people. Thrilling story. I've literally never heard that before ever. Wow. I feel so educated and grown up now. I can't wait to take my abuse issues out on someone else.

(Like, yeah, it sucked for Maul, but Eddie had been abused horrifically his whole life and he sure wasn't going around breaking people's arms about it. Or forcing pills down people's throats just because that's what his mother had raised him on.)

You let your issues break you. You let your experience with cruelty dominate you. That's not anyone else's fault but yours. That's not a lesson, that's just a lifelong of abuse and never being able to cope with it. Which sucks, yeah, but plenty of people go through awful shit and don't turn into psychos over it all the time.

(So. There. Ya dick. Eddie stares at Maul then, his expression dropping anger and instead just looking ...perplexed.)

Obviously I love him. I would do this for anyone I'm friends with. That's...What you do for people you care about. You get mad on their behalf. (And it's funny, really. Eddie and Richie have been told so many times to 'let him fight his own battle' that he can't help but laugh. He leans back and sighs.)

I'll make this really blunt for you, dude. Richie and I are a package deal. Buy one get the second free kinda deal. As long as I'm around, he's never going to fight any battle alone ever. I've died for him, I'll die for him again. I don't give a shit what the sacrifice is. Nothing comes between us. No one will ever change that. Not you, not fear, not death. Nothing.

(So jot that down. Eddie says this all steadily because it was his greatest truth. He felt that way about all of his friends, definitely, but Richie even more so. There was literally nothing he wouldn't do for Richie, and that conviction and dedication is clear as day on his face, unwavering.)

[survivalthroughhate]

[Ever heard someone roar like a lion or tiger when they were enraged? Because that's exactly what Maul just did. He's an alien, he's got some weird abilities. Generally speaking, it's a much more effective way to say 'Shut up!' than just yelling at the boy would be. Hopefully Eddie's phone wasn't too close to his ear, that was pretty damn loud, those cries are meant to be heard up to five miles away. After he's done making that frankly unnerving sound, he's still pretty furious, that usual soft voice now loud and snarling, which is a good indicator that Eddie hit the nail on the head.]

You see much, child. Too much. But that perceptive gaze doesn't seem to give you the foresight of when to speak and when to hold your tongue. You're a cold, callous little creature, and what you call brutal honesty is nothing more than thinly-veiled cruelty.

[......Did he actually hurt Maul's feelings? Maybe just a little, even if he'll fervently deny it. Look, it hurts having to acknowledge he'd broken under Sidious' cruel tutelage. But what else could he have done? Who could have kept on the side of light and goodness when being raised by the Dark Lord of the Sith? He'd done what he had to survive a master who would just as soon as seen him perish as succeed.]

Don't presume to know what I have gone through. You dismiss others as if they don't matter, as if only what you deem to acknowledge about other people is important. What happened to me was monstrous and so it created a monster. But I am no hypocrite and at least I acknowledge that I am one.

[Eddie's last words make Maul shake his blindfolded head.]

At least you acknowledge such an attachment will get you killed. Love like that is a great weakness and will only ever be used against you.

[clussy]

(Maybe it's because of his Ultimate, or maybe it was the fairy DNA in him, but Eddie was feeling especially ballsy on this fine day...But when Maul roars, Eddie's startled for all of three seconds before screaming back. He can out scream you, dickweed! God save literally anyone within hearing range of either of these bricks. It really should have been an unnerving sound, but Eddie was a renowned champion screamer. Maybe not five-miles-away but he does his best.

His ears are definitely ringing though.)

It's only cruel because you don't want to hear it. That doesn't mean it's actually cruel. I'm not ~presuming anything. You're the one telling me you were raised in an ugly way and now that's why you act ugly.

(Eddie's tone snaps out, but it gentles out towards the end and he falls quiet for some time. He wasn't necessarily going to deny being cold. Lord knows he could be. He struggled with making friends and half of that was because he was odd, but half of it was because he didn't have the most pleasant personality. He could be a difficult bitch. Hard to love, harder yet to like.)

That's where you're wrong, idiot. If I thought you didn't matter or that there wasn't something worth looking at the inside of you then yeah, I'd be like 'fuck you and the horse you came in on' - I'm done. I wouldn't even bother talking to you. I sure as hell never tried to have any heart-to-hearts with Henry Bowers.

(He's cooled down now, and he takes a deeper breath, exhaling. When he speaks again, it's gentler.)

Just because you're a grown-up doesn't mean you know everything about everything. You're not caged to your experiences anymore than I am. People change all the time. I'm not saying like- drop your goth phase and go all white or whatever, but I'm just saying you're the only person standing in your way at this point. So yeah, I'm holding you to a higher expectation because I think maybe you can be an okay dude. I get it. You were raised in a shitty way. That sucks, but like, you're not dead, are you? If you're not dead then you can maybe start challenging some shit. No one's ever finished growing up. Adults are really bad about accepting that because they get all 'ooh oooh I know best I've experienced more' blah-blah-blah.

(But really. Eddie shakes his head, though it's unseen.)

Yeah, dude, a lot of people have had monstrous things happen to them. That sucks. It still doesn't change or excuse bad things you're doing. You're obviously not that much of a monster if you can sit here having a normal conversation with me about shit.

(If it were Bowers he could have just broken Eddie's jaw for even trying, probably.)

Great weakness? (Eddie laughs. Sincere and deep.) You must not know too much of love if you think all it can bring someone is weakness and trouble. That love is the only reason I'm worth anything. It's not always used against me. There have been so many times where I thought I was done for and then I heard his voice in my head and was able to stand back up and keep fighting. It's not just negative emotions that fuel us.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Honestly, yelling back is probably the best thing to do when it comes to dealing with Maul. He's from a predator species, and when dealing with them, baring your teeth and roaring back is the best way to make them pay attention and gain some respect.

So he does. There's something that resonates there with him and stirs something in his memory. Once, Obi-Wan had tried to reason with Maul by appealing to the goodness the Jedi stubbornly insisted he saw inside of him, how he hadn't had a choice in being raised by a monster. At the time, Maul hadn't wanted to hear it, instead trying to prove the opposite by hurting Obi-Wan as badly as he could. Now, though, he's listening to someone he doesn't have a reason to hate, so it's more effective.

There's a lot of what other people like Ben and Luka was telling him in there despite the fact Eddie has absolutely no tact while saying the words, and while Maul was none too fond of Eddie at the moment, the fact there was a lot of the same things he's been hearing at least makes him give pause.

When he speaks again, some of the fire has finally gone out of his voice, and he's back down to his softer tone.]

You have to understand that what I went through is what shaped me into who I am. The shadow of the man who was my father still hangs over me even to this day, the same way whoever raised you has done the same. Empathy, sympathy, kindness, these things weren't just discouraged, they were seen as a weakness. Anger and hatred was what kept me alive through all my pain, misery, and suffering. It is not so easy to change the habits of a lifetime. But-- I have been given reason to believe perhaps I can here. Ben and I, we had a discussion where he talked about how he believes I can be dark without being evil.

[The fact people here continue to try and give him second chances despite his actions also have given him reason to think remaining as he is doesn't have to be the only path.]

There is a code Sith are taught, a mantra of sorts, and it explains a little how easily one can turn to the dark for their mindset. [He recites it from memory, conjuring up how Sidious had taught it to him so long ago.] 'Peace is a lie. There is only Passion. Through Passion I gain Strength. Through Strength I gain Power. Through Power I gain Victory. Through Victory my chains are Broken. The Force shall free me.' [He pauses for a moment.] The chains. The chains are the easy part. It's what goes on your head that's hard.

[The last bit, though, he still feels the need to be contrary.]

Wrong, young pup. I know much of love, to my utter misfortune. Sith are taught not to love but I craved it anyway throughout my life. After I left their ways behind, I found it, for a short time at least. All it lead to was more misery, destruction, and woe, not all of it just my own. Love is a weakness when you only cause those you love pain.

[clussy]

(Eddie calms down when it's clear Maul has finally calmed down. Eddie had come here on the defense, after all, and he was defending the most important person in his life. He hadn't wanted Maul's excuses of why he did it, but now that they had moved past all that Eddie was more willing to open up a bit to what Maul was saying.

He takes a deep breath and exhales audibly. When he speaks up, his voice is also softer, less accusatory. Still direct, but not quite the same blunt harshness as before.)

I do understand. I know escaping our past and how we were raised is practically impossible. I still carry my mom around with me everywhere I go even when I try my hardest not to. So, I get it. I know we grew up in totally different worlds and circumstances but...

(Eddie fundamentally understood what it felt like to be trapped by the mistakes of someone else, by someone else's cruel choices.)

Ben's right. (He usually was. Ben was a good guy. It's why Eddie had been so willing to cut his palms and sacrifice it all next to his side.) You can be empowered with your anger and hatred, but you don't have to completely abandon anything or everything kind. This place is different than where you came from. There's people here willing to forgive your learning curves. You're being given a second chance by the universe practically. Take it. I'm not saying you gotta be good or bad. Just...Be better.

(Which could be done in any sort of way. Goodness was complicated as badness was.

Eddie listens again, and he gets it, really, and when he speaks up, his tone reflects his understanding.)

I think I...actually understand why that'd resonate. I can't say I disagree with any of it. Peace really is a lie, and passion is good. Passion keeps you alive more than anything else. And well. Breaking chains...Who doesn't wanna do that. You don't have to give all that up. You can just interpret it differently than you have. I know - our heads are our worst enemies. But you're not alone here with people who want you to fail or only see your potential in one way. You can be more than one thing at a time.

(Yes Eddie completely agrees with the Sith thing okay it just made sense to him.)

Yeah, well, it's lead to misery for me too. Just because something hurt doesn't mean it isn't worth appreciating. Love's supposed to hurt sometimes. Things that matter hurt. It can be a weakness, sure, but it can be everything else too. If you're broken and hurt but survive whatever it is that hurt you, don't you become stronger for it? Every time my love for Richie's hurt me, I find myself having a stronger and stronger resolve about it. It's only a weakness if you let it be one. I don't let it be one. I make that choice. Not you. Not Richie, not my mom - no one else but me gets to choose that.

[survivalthroughhate]

[He listens to the kid-- well, monologue makes it sound almost comical, but it's the only word that fits. Eddie has the tendency to ramble on and use about eight words when only two would have done, but he's used to that quirk from the kid by now. He feels a little less heavy now after all that.]

Be better. You all keep saying that. You make me want to hope again. And that is a dangerous thing.

[That's where the first step would start with Maul. In order to be able to be a better person, he had to have hope that he even could attempt such a thing.]

I fear you will all be disappointed in giving me that second chance no matter how many times you allow me to fail and try again. The dark is easy to give into. That's what people have a hard time understanding. The temptation to put yourself first, to stab someone in the back when they show you trust, to murder someone to achieve your goal instead of showing mercy, to let anger rule your mind...these things are not easily discarded.

[He's not providing excuses, merely listing examples of what he was likely to do. Like anyone trying to break a habit, the chances of him relapsing were high.]

Then you have had a far better chance at it than I have. Had it not been for my direct actions, my family would not have suffered and died. That is something that caused us all much misery and torment. I don't think I came out of it stronger, merely with more pain upon my soul, and only a resolve to survive instead of laying down to die and be with them. Love like that has only ever been used against me.

[He pauses.]

You always get me talking far more than I ever normally do.

[Eddie might have noticed that Maul wasn't especially eloquent when speaking. He often seems like he speaks only enough to say exactly what he means and nothing more.]

[clussy]

If we're all saying it then that means you're clearly capable of more than you're doing. And we can see that in you.

(Eddie sighs quietly.)

Yeah, dude, change is dangerous. What makes us move forward is the hope for change, isn't it? Otherwise none of us would ever bother trying to challenge ourselves if we weren't sitting around hoping it'd do something. Hope isn't just about loving people. Hope is about wanting more than what you have.

(At least Eddie thought so anyway. It took a lot to dare to hope. Hope, he thought, was a complicated emotion.)

And you? You're a lot stronger than someone who just wants to idly stand around and be the same person forever.

(Even if he went in a darker direction...Eddie still thought that represented hope of some kind.)

Adults are always disappointing. That's the great thing about relationships with them. You never expect anything and then you can never really be disappointed. (Grim reality, but he's being honest at least.) You will fail. You'll fail and I'll scream and we'll fight and then we'll do it again and again as many times as it takes.

(Because Eddie was like a fucking mold.)

I don't think it's that hard to understand. I think it's natural to...do bad things because it's the easier way out. Think I don't know that? Gosh. My momma would scream and yell and drag me to the hospital if I so much as sniffled the wrong way. I got really good at lying because it was always easier than just trying to stand up to her. But what good did that do me? None, I'll tell ya what.

(No, it wasn't an excuse, he didn't think. It was as natural as everything else.)

You know, Maul. Kinda surprised by you right now.

(Not disappointed. Surprised.)

You talk up like you're this big fighter. Where's all that fight go when it's for your own sake? You're not an idiot. I don't even think you're heartless. Clearly there's something deeper in you and you know it. You know your trauma. I know it's easy to fall into...God knows I let my trauma define me all the time. But...Why are you letting that happen even here? With people who believe in you?

...Are you afraid of it happening again? (He's not being snarky or pushy. It's a soft question, already empathetic because he didn't really need that question answered.

He giggles quietly, and it's a strange sound in the midst of such an intense conversation, but hey. That's Eddie.)

Someone's gotta light a fire up some of you jaded, old bastards.

[survivalthroughhate]

Hmmm. The problem with wanting more for myself is that it has always inevitably led to more destruction and death. I'm not sure if I am the cause or if it just follows me about, clinging to me the way a spiderweb does when you walk through it.

[But Maul was confusing the lust for power with the need to change, which were too very different things. It's not that Maul is stupid. Sometimes, he's just very stubborn and thickheaded after the life he's led, which can make it hard for him to see any point-of-view that differs from him.]

You know, most adults think the same thing about relationships with children. They're stupid some of-- well, most of the time and tend to make the same mistakes over and over again, as well as focusing their time on the most inane things possible.

At least you seem to understand me better than some of my peers that are the same age. Not sure if that says very little about my state emotionally or very much about your sense of maturity.


[After Eddie goes off on another filibuster, there's another growl then, the same lines of big cat sound he'd made while roaring, just softer this time. Eddie's spent plenty of time around animals and he'll know that one quite well. The kind of snarl that said 'Back off and shut up' when one got too close to an angry, injured animal. He'd proven his point, that was enough. Maul didn't need more lectures from a dumbass kid and he certainly didn't want to examine that question too closely.

The answer, of course, was yes. Maul didn't have much fear in him, but the fear of what had happened to shape him into himself, to create the monster he currently had become, that was far too great for him to try and do something different. He was scared to try and just couldn't bring himself to do so. Though he was hardly going to admit that.

He lets that sound hang in the air and it's punctuated by Eddie laughing, which does cool off Maul a little bit.]

And I suppose the adults in this town need to keep an eye on you young idiots to make sure you don't do something stupid like walk off a cliff.