Varian is someone who is overly-concerned with how people view him. He fears judgment and condemnation when he screws up. So when he killed you, even though it was an accident, he was likely scared of what people would think of him. They'd see him as some sort of monster, at least in his own mind. Why do you think his first thought was to call me instead of anyone else?
[Maul was the last person to condemn Varian for his actions. Not after he'd killed just about everything that walked or crawled at one point in the galaxy.]
While I know Ruby less well then the two of you, I can say that she's a fighter. She represents a safe element for him. When people are scared, they turn to what they see as familiar.
[He... understands what it's like being scared of being judged. He's the same way with some of his parental figures, Kurt and OA in particular. Heck, Varian is even aware of this when it comes to Kurt.]
i don't know he said he called you to help, i didn't really ask him why he called you specifically
[... Maybe he should have.]
but he still had a whole week to get over his fear! he knows i have people here i care about he left them in the dark
and this isn't even the first time he's ignored me for her last time i wasn't even dead
I hold a lack of judgment when it comes to killing whether accidental or deliberate. Those on the Dark Side can't afford righteous judgments on such things.
I can't claim to know all of his motivations. I can only read surface thoughts and emotions unless I'm deliberately delving deeper.
[That was the first time Maul had admitted to anyone in Deerington of his telepathic abilities. But he doesn't give much time for contemplation as he goes on.]
How much did you actually talk to him about this? Or did you merely want to yell and hurt him for what he did?
[Oh, that isn't even the focus of this conversation, but that's hitting him hard. Deliberately killing people - or trying to - has been a problem for Fern since before he got here. He knows it makes him a monster but he can't stop, and he knows people would judge him if they found out. The only exception so far have been Will Graham and Varian, because they're monsters like he is.
He also notices the heavy implication behind surface thoughts and reading that stirs something deep within him. He'd like to ask more, and he nearly does, but Varian is the focus here. He can ask about telepathy later.]
i
uh
mostly just yelled at him over texts i felt really hurt and i wanted to make him feel the same way
Fern, I have killed men, women, and children. I've killed just about every sentient species that walks, crawls, or breathes in the galaxy. So to judge at this point in my life would make me a great hypocrite.
[There's two things there worth noting. One, of course, is his admittance of murder. He's never tried to hide what he is since he came to Deerington but neither has he bragged about to anyone except maybe Reaper, and that man is as much a monster as he is.
The other is his pointed use of Fern's name. Maul almost never uses anyone's name if he can help it, a bit of disconnect in his mind to depersonalize them. The moments he does is means he's got a very good reason to do so.]
Alright, now that your temper has cooled, I will give you a sound piece of advice. Get off this damn device and go speak with him in person. Emotions get lost over texts. You can't properly talk with someone that way.
[Well, that's a whole pile of relevant information, and not just the confirmation that Maul has killed people before. There's no getting around it, Maul is evil.
Which... does not bother Fern nearly as much as it should. For all his bluster about fighting evil and being a knight he hasn't been any good at avoiding the evil train himself, and here's someone he likes and respects going and openly admitting it while in the middle of giving him relationship advice.
He really isn't sure if his next texts are wise, but he sends them anyways.]
i've killed people before there are people here i want to kill doing it makes me feel good even though i know people would hate me if they knew that
[People being accepting of that side of him are few and far between. He knows that, so it feels good to get that out. Weirdly enough, that felt easier to type out than this whole Varian mess. Talking to Varian in person seems terrifying compared to killing someone, honestly.]
i'll think about it
i wasn't joking about my body falling apart i am pretty sure if i try walking into town that's going to happen
I was taught the Dark Side of the Force. It gives one a different perspective on what is believed and can be accomplished by killing. Killing is giving into your emotions and passions to a point where you've decided the way to reach your goal is to take a life. This isn't always necessarily a bad thing.
[But Maul has a very skewed way of thinking given the way he grew up under Sidious' tutelage. Death, to him, is just as easy to commit as it is to breathe.]
Alright. You can wait. But by the next time you are well enough to spare, I will expect to hear that you have made an attempt at communicating with him again. Understand?
[Stern grumpy alien uncle mode has been activated and you will obey, child.]
[That isn't a philosophy he's ever heard before, but it... sounds right. Really, really right.
(Rather, the eldritch portion of his mind is finding all of this very agreeable. Emotions are powerful things, and in its case, necessary for power. Its very existence was even tied to them at one point. Combine that with it having the nature of a literal weapon and it can understand the connection Maul is making between violence and emotion on a deeply visceral level.)
Despite the exhaustion and nausea from having been dead and fought with Varian, Fern feels a little better when he reads that.]
pretty sure most people wouldn't agree with you but i get it this is going to sound cheesy but i'm too tired to care thanks it's less lonely around here knowing someone else gets it
[Which also means he's in a less combative mindset for his next message.]
yes sir i'll probably fail at talking to him but i'll try
[The thought is terrifying, but what scares him more is never talking to Varian again.]
There are few who will. So we must stick together.
[He's only encountered a few in Deerington who have the same mindset as he does. Reaper. Rose. Now Fern. It's not a long list but it does help make one feel less lonely as the boy says.]
Alright. I shall hope for the best for you two. Get some rest now or photosynthesize or whatever it is you do to regain your strength.
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survivalthroughhate
(no subject)
you've got to be kidding me
what's he afraid of, he's got a perfect friend with her
both of them like to remind me of that
(no subject)
[Maul was the last person to condemn Varian for his actions. Not after he'd killed just about everything that walked or crawled at one point in the galaxy.]
While I know Ruby less well then the two of you, I can say that she's a fighter. She represents a safe element for him. When people are scared, they turn to what they see as familiar.
(no subject)
i don't know
he said he called you to help, i didn't really ask him why he called you specifically
[... Maybe he should have.]
but he still had a whole week to get over his fear!
he knows i have people here i care about
he left them in the dark
and this isn't even the first time he's ignored me for her
last time i wasn't even dead
(no subject)
I can't claim to know all of his motivations. I can only read surface thoughts and emotions unless I'm deliberately delving deeper.
[That was the first time Maul had admitted to anyone in Deerington of his telepathic abilities. But he doesn't give much time for contemplation as he goes on.]
How much did you actually talk to him about this? Or did you merely want to yell and hurt him for what he did?
(no subject)
[Oh, that isn't even the focus of this conversation, but that's hitting him hard. Deliberately killing people - or trying to - has been a problem for Fern since before he got here. He knows it makes him a monster but he can't stop, and he knows people would judge him if they found out. The only exception so far have been Will Graham and Varian, because they're monsters like he is.
He also notices the heavy implication behind surface thoughts and reading that stirs something deep within him. He'd like to ask more, and he nearly does, but Varian is the focus here. He can ask about telepathy later.]
i
uh
mostly just yelled at him over texts
i felt really hurt
and i wanted to make him feel the same way
(no subject)
[There's two things there worth noting. One, of course, is his admittance of murder. He's never tried to hide what he is since he came to Deerington but neither has he bragged about to anyone except maybe Reaper, and that man is as much a monster as he is.
The other is his pointed use of Fern's name. Maul almost never uses anyone's name if he can help it, a bit of disconnect in his mind to depersonalize them. The moments he does is means he's got a very good reason to do so.]
Alright, now that your temper has cooled, I will give you a sound piece of advice. Get off this damn device and go speak with him in person. Emotions get lost over texts. You can't properly talk with someone that way.
(no subject)
Which... does not bother Fern nearly as much as it should. For all his bluster about fighting evil and being a knight he hasn't been any good at avoiding the evil train himself, and here's someone he likes and respects going and openly admitting it while in the middle of giving him relationship advice.
He really isn't sure if his next texts are wise, but he sends them anyways.]
i've killed people before
there are people here i want to kill
doing it makes me feel good
even though i know people would hate me if they knew that
[People being accepting of that side of him are few and far between. He knows that, so it feels good to get that out. Weirdly enough, that felt easier to type out than this whole Varian mess. Talking to Varian in person seems terrifying compared to killing someone, honestly.]
i'll
think about it
i wasn't joking about my body falling apart
i am pretty sure if i try walking into town that's going to happen
(no subject)
[But Maul has a very skewed way of thinking given the way he grew up under Sidious' tutelage. Death, to him, is just as easy to commit as it is to breathe.]
Alright. You can wait. But by the next time you are well enough to spare, I will expect to hear that you have made an attempt at communicating with him again. Understand?
[Stern grumpy alien uncle mode has been activated and you will obey, child.]
(no subject)
(Rather, the eldritch portion of his mind is finding all of this very agreeable. Emotions are powerful things, and in its case, necessary for power. Its very existence was even tied to them at one point. Combine that with it having the nature of a literal weapon and it can understand the connection Maul is making between violence and emotion on a deeply visceral level.)
Despite the exhaustion and nausea from having been dead and fought with Varian, Fern feels a little better when he reads that.]
pretty sure most people wouldn't agree with you
but i get it
this is going to sound cheesy but i'm too tired to care
thanks
it's less lonely around here knowing someone else gets it
[Which also means he's in a less combative mindset for his next message.]
yes sir
i'll probably fail at talking to him
but i'll try
[The thought is terrifying, but what scares him more is never talking to Varian again.]
(no subject)
[He's only encountered a few in Deerington who have the same mindset as he does. Reaper. Rose. Now Fern. It's not a long list but it does help make one feel less lonely as the boy says.]
Alright. I shall hope for the best for you two. Get some rest now or photosynthesize or whatever it is you do to regain your strength.
(no subject)
thanks