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[survivalthroughhate]

"This is Maul. State your business."

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Also always up for backdating anything specific done during events or plots that we weren't able to get to e.g. memshares, shapeshifting into other forms, etc. Just let me know what you'd like to do!

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[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul wants to protest to the contrary. He wants to say he's nothing like Sidious, that what he's doing is totally different from what his master would have done to him under the same circumstances.

But while Maul can lie about a lot of things he can't bring himself to speak a lie that's got that level of untruth to it. He looks down and seems to shrink in on himself, becoming smaller as he remembers all those years of torture, how his master was still living in his mind and influencing his actions despite all of Maul's attempts to move past it. Sometimes, it felt like his master's claws were going to be permanently stuck in his mind.

Had he really been treating Peter the same way? Maul had never thought of it like that but now when it's laid out all before him he sees it all so clearly. And that makes him feel ashamed of himself in a way he hasn't felt in a long, long time.

He doesn't speak but a pained sound on the verge of a whimper escapes him.]

[lightthedarkness]

[As soon as he whimpers, her gaze softens. Everything about her does. Her point has been made and he's learned it. She would hug him close and hold him to make her own amends. It's not like she ENJOYED bringing up his abuse, but he HAD to understand what he was doing, just how terrified Peter had seemed.

She let out a breath.]

It... It doesn't have to be that way, Maul. To stay like that.

You aren't Palpatine.

You can be and are better than him.

I don't know... Peter-san well enough to know if he can or will ever forgive you. But you can still do what needs to be done, what should be done, something Palpatine would never have the courage to do.

I'm not saying you stop being friends with the demon.

But it's time to do right by Peter now.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Usagi is usually so gentle with him that he forgets she has a heart of crystal both physically and mentally. Like the kyber crystals of his own galaxy, her's was more powerful than anything he'd ever seen and could hurt him deeply if she so chose to wield it. What she'd said had been brutal and harsh but he'd needed to hear it.

Most of the fight goes out of Maul and he's willing to listen better now. His voice is still a little gruff as he looks back up at Usagi.]

I don't want or need his forgiveness.

[Frankly, he's never seen much point in asking it from people, not when he tends to hurt them over and over again. Usagi has spoken of why it's important to ask that from people but that only applies to situations where Maul actively want it from people. He doesn't see the need why he should need it from the boy.

But at least he's still listening.]

.......How?

CW: minor self-harm

[lightthedarkness]

[She runs her tongue along her fangs, blood instantly filling her mouth. She's gotten used to doing it of late when she wants to say something much more biting than what she actually should. She closes her eyes, waits for her tongue to heal, and then speaks. She's half tempted to snap that what does it matter if he has no intention of asking or needing forgiveness. But she merely looks at him for a moment.]

Well, the easiest thing to start with is that you stop fucking gloating about him being afraid of you like that's anything to be proud of.

Second? ASK if it's okay for him to come by and see whatever the hell his demon's name is. It's HIS body, and considering how possession works? HE had it first whether or not you're besties with the said demon. No insisting how much you see him, no mind tricks. You ASK and if he says NO you better respect it.

Third, and I'm telling you this because you literally just admitted you intend on USING Peter, you knock off whatever fucking scheme you have planned that involves him in ANY way like he's some weapon who gets no say in anything that happens to him. [She's purposefully using phrasing she's used to help him see Palpatine's hold on him so he can see just how much he's mirroring the Sith Lord.]

And while there's MORE we'll START there.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul nods as Usagi lays down the conditions. He can attempt to do what she asks but he doubts Peter's fear will be alleviated of him just because he stops lording it over the boy.

Likewise, that terror will likely make him give into any requests that Maul has, and he will admit the temptation just to bully Peter and run roughshod over him will be hard to resist. But he can at least try.

But on the last point he has some things to say.]

It's not like that anymore.... [He quickly goes on to explain.] ....it was at first and still is a little but I've grown genuinely fond of Paimon and I believe he feels the same way for me. You know how I've grown to enjoy teaching people and the demon has been a good pupil. Usagi, he was lost and alone when I first met him, and I've been able to help him grow to his full potential. Not just in power but in mind. He was like a newborn star, full of power but so completely unable to regulate it. He's old, very old, one of the most ancient beings I've met here, but still coming into his own. He's not evil, I think whatever he is can be said to be so far removed from humanity that he doesn't really understand good or evil as we might know them. He and Peter can now work together to an extent. I saw them do it the last time I spoke to them. And I do mean "them", both were conscious and present for the conversation. They need to learn to coexist because they can't be separated one from the other any longer.

[lightthedarkness]

And that's fine. [She listens as he explains Paimon, and she has to resist rolling her eyes. Unimpressed. She's met plenty of entities "older than humanity" and "older than concepts" or "older than" whatever else they claim. She's met plenty of entities who are "beyond" the concept of good and evil or beyond the "human understanding of good and evil."]

Except, one REALLY big thing, Maul. Did you ever once consider Peter in ANY of that teaching? [She hissed.] They're a them now, as you said. But did you ASK Peter if he wanted to coexist with a being who is ancient and older than dirt and apparently beyond the concepts of "good and evil?"

Or did you just try to shove Peter to the back of his own mind and body? You... you denied Peter a chance in ANY say in HIS body, in HIS powers, and mind. And for all YOU know, he would have been all for it, he would have been THRILLED to understand what was going on with him. But you played into your OWN... [She let out a breath, counting to ten.] You don't want everyone calling you a monster, and I know you aren't. But sometimes, Maul, you love to play the villain. You do everything you can with glee to be a monster. Because even after everything I've just explained, you STILL don't care about Peter and what you did to him.

I don't KNOW Paimon, and if he wants to come forward and say hi, great. But I'm not about to pretend Peter is just a host for some cosmic entity.

[And since she knows Maul needs examples set around people he ACTUALLY cares about to make any connection, she asks:]

If that were the case, do you think I'm just a host for Serenity, Maul? Should Usagi Tsukino get pushed aside until only Serenity is left? She's more powerful, after all, I know how much that means to you. Would you rather she be around instead?

[survivalthroughhate]

He hardly made himself known for a good long while after I first made contact with them. Just the sight of me made him flee and leave the demon in charge from the moment I met them. I had no chance to get to know the boy until just this January.

[Of course, that is a dodge as Maul is warranted to do. Usagi knows this tactic well, how it's always everyone else's fault instead of his own when he doesn't make the best decisions or treat people the best way he could. At least he's wise enough not to mention that Peter's name meant so little to him that he didn't even know it until Luna mentioned it after his Deerington rampage.

Still, her comparison does make Maul understand a bit.]

.....No. [He says quietly.] My world would be poorer if only she was left and you were not here.

[He sighs and rubs a hand on the back of his neck. He looks very vulnerable right now and a lot of the fight has gone out of him.]

You push me hard, Usagi. Sometimes too hard.

[Not to the breaking point but so far out of his comfort zone that sometimes Maul feels like his skin is raw, scraping up against things that he'd rather not face and that hurt him to feel.]

[lightthedarkness]

[She sees the dodge as soon as he says it, expects it, and sighs at it. Because it's Maul avoiding responsibility for something ENTIRELY of his own making. She pauses and he seems to grasp what she's trying to say about Peter and Paimon, apparently is the demon's name, and her and Serenity. Though, it was a bit unfair. She WAS Serenity, there was no possession going on. She was as much Serenity as Serenity was her. Sure, Serenity was more graceful, refined, gentle, and ethereal but a good deal of her personality was Usagi's personality as well.

She tilted her head.]

I push you this hard because sometimes you dig in your heels when you've gotten set in your ways... when you've gotten comfortable about something even when you know it's wrong.

But I would not push you as hard as I do if I did not think you could handle it.

You can handle this. I know you can.

[survivalthroughhate]

[Maul considers her words, closing his eyes, and recites something like he’s quoting words from someone.]

You are strong and you will survive.

[He opens his eyes back up.]

That was the only thing resembling kindness he ever told me. He knew I was too tough to die from whatever he put me through and made sure that I knew it well, so that I could remember that whenever I thought of giving up.

[Usagi may not have meant to do it but her words had started to stir up old memories Maul would have rather let just lie in the back of his mind.]

[lightthedarkness]

[She's doing her very best here not to be mad about Maul literally comparing her to Palpatine.

Give her a moment.

She lets out a breath.]

Yes... well, back to the matter at hand. [She feels her eye twitch so she clears her throat.] Peter, and his treatment at your claws, tell me what you're no longer going to do.

[survivalthroughhate]

To treat him solely as a vessel for the demon and to not revel in his terror of me anymore. And to not manipulate him for my own ends anymore.

[Just ignore the surly tone he has right now like a child saying he'll finish his homework and eat his vegetables. Maul's been thinking hard about what people have been telling him, how he needs to turn his destructive instincts towards something more productive. In this case, he knows what he can do to make things right by Peter.]

I shall contact him and tell them both he is under my protection now. I doubt if the boy shall take me up on the offer but it shall be there for him to contemplate.

[lightthedarkness]

Good. [They'll... work on being NICE to Peter later, right now, basic decency is about as much as she can ask from Maul after the whole... Palpatine comment.]

Well, it's fine if he doesn't take you up on it. What's more important is that it's there.

[survivalthroughhate]

Doubtful. He's terrified of me. Having a conversation with him most of the time seems to be beyond the realm of possibility.

[All Maul had to do was show up and Peter instantly handed the reins over to Paimon instead of wanting to stay on the surface. Maul didn't even do anything most of the time, Peter just did it willingly on his own.]

[lightthedarkness]

Gee, I can't imagine WHY he's scared of you. Text him, then.

[survivalthroughhate]

Fine. But mark my words, it won't do any good.

[At least he'll try for what it's worth.]

[lightthedarkness]

Yeah yeah, just stop acting surprised when I'm proven right again.