You likely already know I'm gone by the time this arrives, and I'm sure you're bloody celebrating like the bastard you are. I'm not there in person to call you on that favor that you owe me, so consider it called now:
Do better.
Don't do it cause I'm saying it. Don't do it cause someone else told you it was the right thing. Don't do it cause others go all starry-eyed over you for whatever reason they've got. Do it for yourself. Do it cause you deserve something more than what you've been giving yourself.
Do it cause you're tired of it all circling the bloody drain already.
I know the reason we didn't get on was we saw too much of ourselves in the other. We've both got a lot of hate to contend with. It's not worth it. I know the idea of deserve is a hard one for us as well.
It's not going to magically get better overnight. May take years, decades even. It'll hurt. It'll carve it out of you and leave you there wishing for death. You might backslide, probably will. Don't let it win.
Anyway, I'm probably wasting my time writing this out. Probably just rip it to shreds and put it out of your mind. There's a time I would've done the same if someone had the gall to try it with me. There's been times I have.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninetydegrees
this letter shows up at any time after the start of april.
You likely already know I'm gone by the time this arrives, and I'm sure you're bloody celebrating like the bastard you are. I'm not there in person to call you on that favor that you owe me, so consider it called now:
Do better.
Don't do it cause I'm saying it. Don't do it cause someone else told you it was the right thing. Don't do it cause others go all starry-eyed over you for whatever reason they've got. Do it for yourself. Do it cause you deserve something more than what you've been giving yourself.
Do it cause you're tired of it all circling the bloody drain already.
I know the reason we didn't get on was we saw too much of ourselves in the other. We've both got a lot of hate to contend with. It's not worth it. I know the idea of deserve is a hard one for us as well.
It's not going to magically get better overnight. May take years, decades even. It'll hurt. It'll carve it out of you and leave you there wishing for death. You might backslide, probably will. Don't let it win.
Anyway, I'm probably wasting my time writing this out. Probably just rip it to shreds and put it out of your mind. There's a time I would've done the same if someone had the gall to try it with me. There's been times I have.
Don't be a wanker,
John Constantine